A few weeks ago our Women’s Bible Study threw a bridal shower for a lady from our church. She had been dating a wonderful man from our congregation, and after 40 years of being single she was going to remarry – with her son giving her away and her daughter as her maid of honor. We couldn’t have been happier for her.
As we sat around eating celebratory cake and admiring the blushing bride, one of the older ladies in the group turned to me and the two other young women who were there and said, “We have so many great young people in our church, we need to get them married off! I pray all the time that you all find godly spouses.”
My gut reaction was, “Hallelujah! I’m not the only one praying that I find a nice boyfriend!” But after I got home from the party that night I couldn’t get her comment out of my head. Sure, knowing that someone was praying about me and my future spouse was awesome, but why did I need to get “married off?” What was the rush?
I know it’s always been a rite of passage, but lately I’ve been getting the impression that a person is not a true adult until they get married and settle down. I’ve watched it happen – one week they’re boyfriend and girlfriend, being goofy, still at the kid’s table at holiday dinners; the next they’re officially engaged, seriously considering their future, and basking in their newfound wisdom. It’s like that little diamond ring comes with its own Get Out of Childhood Free card that propels its holder into the world of dinner parties, mortgages and 401(k)s. You could be 35, college educated, own your own home, regularly volunteer, and recycle, but as long as you’re single you’re still treated as if you’re skirting the edge of adulthood. Like you’re doing all that to kill time until real life starts.
I once had a friend whose aunt asked her at a wedding what she was planning to do with her life until she got married. I remember her being utterly frustrated that her family considered her life to be in limbo until she settled down. And rightly so; she had plenty of ambitions that her relatives saw as merely distractions until she was properly wed. In a recent blog post about Christian singles, David K. Wheeler talks about the same thing:
“The meantime, though, is what I think is important. The fact that it is even the meantime is a bit disappointing to me, that singleness is just this thing we cope with until we find a compatible mate. Singleness is a valuable time, and not just to learn how to be the best husband or wife you can be – being single isn’t marriage boot camp. Being single is its own valuable thing, vital to communities sacred and secular alike.” (“Single is the Hardest Word,” throwmountians.com)
I like that. Being single isn’t preparation for life; it is life. Not that marriage is bad, by any stretch of the imagination, but treating people who aren’t married like they’re not as important as their wedded friends isn’t good either.
After all, it took the lovely woman from my church 40 years to find the right guy. And I'm glad she didn't rush.
