Did We Agonize?

In the office where I work, we created a self-evaluation sheet to fill out after each project in order to keep a record of how it went. It includes typical questions like "Did we meet the client's needs?" and "What should be done differently next time?". As I was working on it, there was one question that startled me:

"Did we agonize?"

I had to ask my boss what this meant, since in my book, agonizing over something is a bad thing. He explained that it wasn't asking if we stressed out over the project, but if we took time to really worry about it and make sure that we had done our best. With that definition, agonizing is a good thing.

I was reminded of this question during Pastor Jim's sermon this past Sunday. He had "teased" his message on Facebook by posting the title "Church NOT As Usual" I was intrigued - especially because we aren't really an "as usual" kind of church to begin with. We bring motorcycles into the sanctuary as props. Once the pastor asked me to come on stage, handed me a marker, and asked me to write on the wall for him as an illustration. "Church NOT As Normal" could mean anything.

What it meant was a message of loving reprimand for our congregation. The kind of thing that you don't really want to hear, but later are glad that you did. Our pastor put some of our statements in check, saying he's been hearing us complain that "God is distant" - but in reality, he said, if you say God has turned away from you, you're not being truthful and need to change something about yourself. God doesn't abandon us, we are the ones who turn away. His message was that our church is being called to a time of suffering - a time where we buck up, make some hard decisions and change our hearts. It's going to hurt, but a tree can't bear fruit unless it is pruned back.

It was at this point in my notes that I jotted down the phrase "Did we agonize?". In our spiritual lives, do we worry and try to do our absolute best, or do we skirt by and just do what was necessary? It's a hard question. If I were filling out a self-evaluation, I'd have say that I haven't been agonizing enough with my faith. I need to work on my pruning.