Sorry, Lloyd Dobler, I’d Rather Date Walter Gibson

 When it comes to 80s movie boyfriends, I think we all can agree that Lloyd Dobler from Say Anything is close to the top of the list. How can you not like a guy who sends a girl cards in the mail and tries to win her over by holding a boom box outside her bedroom window? You may remember me mentioning that I tormented my college roommates with a poster of John Cusack in Say Anything. In my new apartment, it’s hanging next to Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (not my favorite of the films, but by far the best poster!).

Obviously I have excellent taste in 80s film stars.

But as much as I love Lloyd Dobler, he’s not my favorite 80s boyfriend. He’s not even my favorite 80s boyfriend played by John Cusack. My favorite 80s Cusack boyfriend is Walter Gibson in The Sure Thing.

Gib and Lance

Gib is a guy who after high school goes off to a New England college while his best friend Lance, played by an equally young Anthony Edwards, goes to school in L.A. Gib tries to go out with a girl at school, Allison, played by Daphne Zuniga (also known for her role as Princess Vespa in Spaceballs). He tries to hit on her using such great pick up lines as “Did you know that Shakespeare died of syphilis?” and sneaking her up to the roof of the library where he tells her about the constellations and how when he was six he wanted to be an astronaut – “You know, all the Tang you can drink” – then ruining it by repeating a convoluted speech his roommate told him works on girls.

All first dates should be at libraries.

When it doesn’t work out, Gib decides to take up Lance’s offer to come to California over Christmas break to hook up with a “sure thing”: a girl that will sleep with him no questions asked. He hitches a ride out with a couple that loves show tunes and, of course, Allison. Needless to say it doesn’t work out well and the show tunes couple leaves them on the side of the road to fend for themselves.

This is when you start to see why Gib is so awesome. First, he eats beer and cheese puffs for breakfast. Allison thinks this is completely disgusting, but he’s like Hey, I’m a dude in college. This is what I do. And it’s awesome whether you think so or not. He doesn’t actually say this but this you can tell this is what he’s thinking. He doesn’t care if you are a girl he has a crush on, he’s not changing to impress you.

Snowballs are a great breakfast food, thank you very much.

Then when Allison hitches a ride from an older guy in a truck, he sneaks in the back to follow her. The guy turns out to be a real creep, a weird guy in his late 50s pretending to be single that essentially tries to rape Allison – and might have gotten away with it, being in the middle of nowhere – but Gib gets in the cab with them (as if accepting a ride) and proceeds to act completely insane so as to distract the creeper and get Allison out of there. 

Creeper in a mint suit.

And she’s barely even grateful! Come on, Allison, Gib’s looking out for you, at least try to like him.

They finally get to a hotel somewhere, where they bond over a beer and he’s trying to be nice to her, and she has to go and call her boyfriend in California. Upset, Gib goes out to a bar, where he buys drinks for a couple middle-aged guys who are also sad and lonely.

"We're a couple of good-looking guys."

The kid is a freshman in college, and not only does he make friends with a couple of random dudes at a bar, he sings Christmas songs with them! At one point he only has $18.77 to his name and lends a guy at the train station a dollar because he asked for one. He may not be the most put together guy, but he’s generous.

One of my favorite scenes is a little while later, when they’re at a fancy hotel. Allison somehow left her money and schedule book in the previous hotel, so they’ve been hitchhiking all day with no money and nothing to eat and it starts pouring rain.

Of course.

When they try to pick a lock on a random trailer to find shelter, Allison finds she has a credit card in her purse, so they get dinner and a room at the only place around that takes credit: a really fancy place with wine and ladies walking around selling roses (Who does that? Is that an 80s thing?). They’ve been fighting the whole trip because she refuses to let him sleep in the same bed with her and makes one of them sleep on the floor (He keeps making the argument that “I’m not going to bed with you, I’m going to bed in a bed that you happen to be in also,” but it doesn’t work). Now that a few days have passed and she doesn’t hate him so much, she tells Gib they can both sleep in the bed, and this time he ruins everything by bringing up her boyfriend. He asks her to tell him about the guy, and she says “he’s directed”. Gib says, no, what’s he really like? “Is he funny? Does he make you laugh?” and she gets this look on her face like Oh my god, my boyfriend is the most boring guy on the planet. I’d much rather be with Gib but can’t because I’m too proud to admit it.

Awww.

 So then, in the morning, the camera pans over to show them snuggled up together, Gib with his arm around Allison. She wakes up and is happy and everything is great for about 30 seconds until he realizes what he’s doing. Gib gets defensive about not trying anything and jumps out of bed and stands around in a goofy dinosaur shirt trying to be gentlemanly. She’s like, Oh, it’s okay, I know you didn’t try anything, as if to say hello, I was there, I know what happened. And that’s when we know they love each other but they still have another 30 minutes of movie left until they figure it out.

In the end, [SPOILER ALERT] Gib doesn’t sleep with the “sure thing” because he really likes Allison.  She breaks up with her boring boyfriend and they finally get together, after he writes another story for the English class they have together, because even though he’s a nonchalant college guy, he’s also great at creative writing.

Everybody likes Lloyd Dobler. He’s a great guy. Buy why hang out with the nice guy when you could have a boyfriend like Gib, who watches out for you even when you’re mad at him, would give away his last $5 if asked, write essays about eating pizza without burning the roof of your mouth, and most importantly, makes you laugh?

Also, he’s 80’s John Cusack, he’s adorable!

Empty Places

I’ve been mesmerized by birds lately.

Each day on my way home from work I sit at the same stoplight, a busy intersection near a train track. Lately, between 5:15 and 5:30, there have been hundreds of birds there. I have no idea where they all come from. I sit in my car, listening to the click click click of my turn signal, and stare at them. Small, dark colored birds, I don’t know what kind, flying in swarms, flitting back and forth and up and down and close together and far apart and back and forth again in a pulsating motion, suspended in mid-air not unlike schools of fish in the ocean. They dance in groups, directed by some invisible choreographer, rising and falling as if on cue. They seem to know exactly how to move in order to keep from running into any of the other eight hundred flapping dancers.

Because of the recent time change, the sun is already starting to set during my drive home. The shimmering disc floats just above the horizon, casting a warm glow on the clouds, turning them into puffs of strawberry cotton candy strewn across the sky. The telephone lines reflect the fall sun as bright orange strings where the birds gather to rest. For one brief moment they all clamor to balance on the phone lines. They squeeze in, fill in the gaps, chattering noisily like a crowd. I start to wonder what it’s like to be a bird. What do they do all day? Is their entire life comprised of dancing and resting on telephone wires? What did they do before telephone wires? What must it have been like to be out for a walk, and come across a tree, full of birds that were chirping and hopping from branch to branch, buzzing with life like a beehive? The verse comes to mind about God caring enough to keep every bird fed, and how much more important we are to God than birds. I wonder if He has named each and every one of them.

Then, at some unseen signal, in one swift rippling motion they all lift up, fly away, disperse, filling the sky with small dark dots. The golden lines are suddenly vacant. I am no longer thinking of them as wires, but as empty places were birds used to rest. I wonder if they will all return, if ten minutes from now someone else will be sitting at the light and notice the birds all sitting there anxiously waiting for takeoff.

But then the light turns green and the car in front of me moves. I forget about the birds and focus on the traffic. I drive away, my turn signal silencing itself, leaving the road behind me, an empty place were I used to rest.

Narratives and Donald Miller

A few weeks ago, I was on my way to a friend’s wedding and stopped to get coffee. A few things you should know: 1) I’m not usually the kind of person who drinks coffee or 2) spends $4 on a small drink. But it was a chilly day, and I knew the ceremony was going to be outside, and I have recently become addicted to Salty Caramel Mochas because they’re amazing. I was a little early so I stopped at a shop on the edge of town and went inside to splurge on a tasty drink. As I was waiting for them to make it, I spotted a poster hanging on the community bulletin board with a photo of author Don Miller, which I thought was weird, because who hangs photos of authors up at Starbucks? I was super excited to see that not only would he would be speaking at a free event, but that it was at the church I’ve started attending in the area. I immediately used my phone to register online and put it on my calendar. Pretty sure the baristas thought I was weird, but oh well.

I decided to prepare for the evening by re-reading all of his books that I own. I forgot how much I loved his writings. I mean, I remembered that I liked them, obviously, but I forgot how great they were. Over the course of three books I wrote almost 20 pages of quotes and reflections in my journal. That’s crazy. But I feel like I learned so much that I want to read them again already, if that makes sense.

One of the things I like most about his books is his transparency in them. Not that he’s the Invisible Man or something, but that when he writes he talks about all his faults and frustrations and insights as if he’s sitting right there telling them to you. His books, along with those of Anne Lamott and others, inspired me to practice writing creative nonfiction in college. Between his books and Twitter and his blog I felt like he was a friend of mine already, if its possible to be friends with someone you haven’t met who has no idea who you are (also, that one time when my tweet was printed in Relevant he was on the cover, so now we’re both published writers and would obviously be friends in real life).

I went to the talk tonight, and it was great, just as I expected. I ran into some friends from college, there was some lovely worship time, and Don told stories about stories and talked about Jesus. People seemed surprised that he was funny, which made no sense to me because his books can be hilarious, and he was slightly awkward, as he’s always claimed to be, although in an endearing way not in a cringe-worthy kind of way. He was available for autographs and photos afterwards, but I didn’t stick around. I hung around the lobby for a little bit, trying to decide if I should, and started thinking:

1. It must be incredibly exhausting to get up and talk in front of a crowd of people and then smile and shake hands with strangers for an hour or so. I’m glad I’m not a famous writer.
2. How weird is it that we show people how great we think they are by asking them to write their name on our stuff? Shouldn’t we be bringing them gifts, rather than asking them to give us something?
3. If I do get in that line, and wait twenty minutes, what will I say? I’m not good at meeting people. What if I get to the front of the line only to do something weird, like in Empire Records when that lady comes in for Rex Manning Day and sings him a line from his song and he looks around like he can’t believe his life has come to this? That would be horrible. And I bet Don Miller doesn’t even like that Rex Manning song. 

And then I left. At the end of the day, autographs really don’t matter much to me. The guy from Ashland theological Seminary who introduced him said he hoped that we learned a lot from the event, and judging by my furiously written notes, I did. Who knew you could learn so much by buying a single cup of coffee?

To Blog or Not to Blog?

It's my turn to write for the staff blog again - I decided to be meta and blog about blogging and then post it on my blog. So here you go!

Recently, a co-worker of mine asked me about my personal blog. She has been thinking about starting her own blog, and wanted my thoughts. My resounding answer? Go for it!

I’m a huge proponent of blogs, and encourage everyone with even the slightest creative bent to start their own. I’ve been blogging on and off since I was in high school and it has been a great way for me to flex my creative writing muscles. (I’ll spare you the cringing and not share my teenage blog.)

Read the rest at the FrazierHeiby Staff Blog >>

Top 5: NaNoWriMo 2012 Fears

Fake book cover I designed
for my NaNoWriMo novel

November is a big month for me. First, it includes my birthday (woo!) and I'm throwing an epic party to show my friends my new apartment. Second, I'm going to hear one of my favorite authors, Donald Miller of Blue Like Jazz, speak this Friday. Third, for my book club I scheduled myself to read the giant sci-fi novel Dune with no less than 883 pages. And fourth, it's National Novel Writing Month (or NaNoWriMo, for short).

I don't know how all of this happened to come together at the same time, but it did. And now NaNoWriMo is only two days away (!!!), Hurricane Sandy is sending some rain and high winds our way, it's almost Halloween, and I have a lot to be scared about. Here are my biggest fears about NaNoWriMo 2012:

5. My gothic novel will turn into a sappy romance.
I'm not a sappy romance kind of person. I like chick flicks and Pride and Prejudice as much as the next girl, but will not deal with stuff like Christian historical romance or Nicholas Sparks novels. And yet somehow, the last couple of novels I've started outlining have turned into romances. I don't know why. One was about a female programmer who worked making video games and didn't realize the cute guy she grew up with was in love with her. Another was about a woman with such low self-esteem that she took to dating sad guys from dating sites to make herself feel better and fell for the guy she thought was a jerk for seeing through her ruse. An even earlier draft featured a young woman who wrote young adult mystery novels and tried not to love the annoying guy she worked with at the local newspaper. Maybe I should start writing chick flick screenplays or something.

4. My characters will evolve into stereotypes of famous characters. 
I try very hard to create original characters with flaws and frustrations and all the rest. I give them hairstyles and back stories and favorite colors and  name heir childhood pets. As I write them, though, I always have this fear that they are going to turn stereotypical. Like my heroine will become the "plucky female lead character who thinks she's unlovable" and my hero will turn into Heathcliff with a different name. We don't need another Heathcliff.

3. I won't be able to come up with a good ending.
I love the prep-work of writing a novel: the character profiling, researching the setting, getting the clothes and decor and season thought out. I love the noting and the listing and the outlining. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at the finishing. Those other stories I mentioned above? I have the first two-thirds of their plots completely fleshed out: chapter-by-chapter outlines, story arcs, even chapters written. But I couldn't figure out how to finish any of them. How does the programmer learn the guy loves her? How does the low-self-esteem girl get her self-esteem back? Does the writer get her novels published? I don't know! I have a great start on an idea for my 2012 book but have no idea what is causing the mysterious things to happen. If it ends up being a lighthouse keeper in a mask with a projector, you'll know I hit a brick wall.

2. The power will go out and I'll have to write (and count) all 50,000 words by hand. 
I don't live on the east coast, but Columbus is still on the edge of the warning area for the effects of Hurricane Sandy (aka the "Frankenstorm") and we're bracing for the worst. People are buying up canned soup and batteries like it's Y2K. I'm just worried that if the power does happen to go out for a few days like when the derecho went through a few months ago, my laptop battery will soon die and I will be stuck doing things longhand. But if it does come to that, I have two new notebooks, a jar of peanut butter, and a whole bottle of wine in the fridge.

1. I'll give up after about 300 words and my novel will never see the light of day.
This is my biggest fear because it's happened before. I've been trying to participate in NaNoWriMo for a couple of years now and it hasn't worked out. Last year I wasn't home much in November. The year before that I tried to write the dating site story and all I got was one scene and didn't know what else to write. This year is going to be different. I live alone. I don't have cable. I have told multiple people about my story idea and they are excited to read it. I'm going to do everything in my power to write all 50,000 words, despite Dune and Donald Miller and my birthday party. This book is going to happen!

Anyone participating in NaNoWriMo this year? What's your book about?

October Novel: Anya's Ghost

I was excited to include a graphic novel on my reading list this year, and specifically planned to read Anya’s Ghost, the story of a teenager who falls down a well and becomes friends with a ghost, in October for its spooky Halloween qualities. I’ve been reading a lot of creepy books lately – first the vampire novel The Historian, followed by the zombie love story Warm Bodies and the supernatural Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. I’m not quite sure where all of this weird sci-fi/supernatural/other-worldly stuff is coming from, but as next month I’m reading the science fiction classic Dune I’m expecting it to just get weirder. Tina Fey’s Bossypants in December is going to come as a well-deserved respite from the land of speculative fiction.

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September Novel: Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea

I finished this book ages ago, and have read multiple things since then, so this is going to be another abbreviated blog post.

I added this book to my 2012 reading list for a couple of reasons: 1, it’s a classic I had never read, and 2, I was fascinated by the character of Captain Nemo in the film version of the graphic novel The League of Extraordinary Gentleman. In the movie, fictional characters including Tom Sawyer, Dorian Gray, and Dr.Jekyll/Mr. Hyde go on adventures together aboard the Nautilus with Nemo himself, and the portrayal of both the man and the boat were intriguing. It’s modern technology designed in the Victorian era, a veritable steam-punk visual interpretation.

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