Apparently I've been noticing commercials for movies lately, because like last week's dance sequences a la Footloose, today's Top 5 was inspired by an upcoming film. This time the movie is Anonymous, a political thriller revolving around the theory that someone else wrote all of Shakespeare's plays. I took an entire class on Shakespeare's work in college, and was lucky enough to visit his hometown of Stratford upon Avon when I visited England. One of the souvenirs I picked up there was a pack of buttons featuring epic insults from the bard's plays. Below are my five favorite Shakespearean insults! Use with caution.
5. "You have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm and cloudiness." - Much Ado About Nothing (Act V Scene 4).
An extremely poetic way to tell someone that they look cold and mean.
4. "More of your conversation would infect my brain." - Coriolanus (Act II Scene 1)
Trying to escape someone who is talking your ear off? Recite this line and leave quickly before they realize exactly what you said.
3. "Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood." - King Lear (Act II Scene 2)
It means roughly the same as "you disgust me" but sounds much, much fancier.
2. "I do desire we may be better strangers." - As You Like It (Act III Scene 2)
Perfect for people who cannot distinguish compliments from insults.
1. "A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud,
shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy,
worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver'd, action-taking, whoreson,
glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue;
one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of
good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave,
beggar, coward, pander, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch;
one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deny the least syllable of thy addition." - King Lear (Act II Scene 2)
Why settle for just one insult when you can have 25?
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